Does reading/writing romance improve a person’s romance life?
In October, my husband and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary. I posted this to one of the romance writers’ loops and found that many other writers had recently celebrated anniversaries as well—23, 24, 20, 17. Pretty good in an age where fifty-five percent of marriages don’t survive past the seven-year-itch stage.
Marriage longevity, strong spousal relationships, active sex life—this wasn’t the first time these topics had come up on the loop. This should surprise no one, after all we read and write romance, we think relationships, we see both sides of conflicts, we know and love flawed characters. But does that make us better partners?
Maybe, maybe not, but it does bring up and interesting question. Does reading and/or writing romance novels yield a better romance life?
It’s undeniable that reading stimulates the biggest sex organ there is—the brain. A quick spin on the net quickly showed several dozen articles that state that romance is the result of neurochemistry. Three chemicals are responsible for infatuation—PEA (phenylethylamine), Dopamine, and Norepinephrine. According to WebMD, Hector Sabelli, MD, PhD said that he believes PEA to “be the hormone of libido.” And then there’s Theresa Crenshaw, author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust, who claims reading romance novel increases the level of PEA. Interesting.
My personal study was less scientific. I posted the question on several loops and called romance readers I know asking if reading romance increased the likelihood of sexual relations. I received over two-dozen responses. The answers surprised me.
I expected a resounding “yes!” but what I got was as diverse as the romance genres themselves.
Some like it hot.
About three-quarters of my responses said that a hot scene in a good romance with characters they really cared about positively affected their personal physical relationship. I wasn’t surprised to read the qualifiers “good romance” “characters they care about.” Hot or not, romance novels are about relationships and this unscientific pole seems to emphasize that.
Some like it sweet.
Some readers wrote that they skip the hot scenes. Of those, some said it was because there were only so many ways Tab A could fit into Slot B. Others said those scenes were too unrealistic. The chances of reaching fulfillment every time (when statistics show the majority of women do not)—even when the character is a virgin—“is stepping into that door of ‘suspension of disbelief.’” Still others, mainly authors, were concerned that there might be people, not themselves personally but other people, who could find themselves less satisfied with their own mate because of the unobtainable ideals presented in romance novels. “Why can’t it be like in the novels?”
So, apparently three-quarters of us find romance novels…stimulating.
Should we tell our guys?
In some cases they already know. One Texas rancher I know of read romances for a year while he courted the woman he made his missus. From stories I’ve heard, he learned just what to say and how to say it. I’m not certain what other skills he learned between the covers of romance novels, but I hear-tell his wife is a very happy woman.
Several women responded that they read romance novels to their husbands. One retired lady with one of those large campers wrote that she reads romances to him while they drive around the country. She said they enjoyed the story lines, the characters, and the “naughty bits.” According to her, they don’t always make the best travel time, but they always enjoy the trip.
Another reader commented that her husband funds her passion for romance novels and then reaps the rewards. “Don’t worry. He gets his.”
Romance novels are escapist reading. They allow the reader to remember and in some cases relive the passion associated with the earlier stages of romance. Some readers find the books light a fire that they share with their mate while others noticed no change. What I concluded through this brief poll is that while women enjoy reading romance for a variety of reasons most find that it adds to the quality and quantity of their romantic interludes. What nearly everyone who answered commented on was the relationships. They read romance for the relationships in the books. How it affected specific aspects of their personal relationships was an extra bonus.